Texting: Our Great New Communication Tool  Or…..How to ruin your relationship.

We all have a “soapbox” from which to preach about our pet peeve, and this is mine:

I can’t count how many couples have arrived at my office in an argument over a text “conversation”.

Besides the obvious problem of incomplete thoughts expressed in abbreviated text, the biggest missing “pieces” are feelings, subtleties that are provided by non-verbal communication (facial expression and  body posture for example), and tone of voice. There are so many missing pieces that it’s easy to see why texting is a problematic form of communication.

ME:  what r u up2 2nite?

YOU:  working call later

ME:  k

So, Are you working now? Working tonight? Was it an invitation out?  

Is there interest in getting together, or checking up on “other’s” activity?

Who’s calling later?

We can fill the information in from a place of hurt and fear, or understanding and security.

My advice, and as a therapist I give little to no “advice”, is to use texting only for fact sharing:

I’ll be home at 6p.m.

need anything from the deli?

or for sending love:

hope you have a great day!

love you

If it’s more complicated, use the phone…..as a phone!